dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What changed your mind?
Being sober
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
ok first of all what the fuck
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
