just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
soo... how was my night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
