Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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