i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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