I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
