Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
