great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
