You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
