I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
