so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
