how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ttyl tear gas
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
