I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
