You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
