thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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