how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
