I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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