its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
