you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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