It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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