Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
