I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
