im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
