i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So apparently I’m into choking now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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