The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
