forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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