Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
