i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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