Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
