Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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