Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
