I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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