We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
