I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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