There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
