I accidentally burped into my bong.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
