She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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