I like my sex mixed with concussions.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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