Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
