They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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