marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
