I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
