Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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