Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
