can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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