Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
