everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She needs sedatives and a leash
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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