just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
