Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize