Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
