he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
