dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
