I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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