fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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