I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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