some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
