I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
