I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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