Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
