Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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