I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
