I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
