I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
