I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
