The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
