I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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