That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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