why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
